Is it possible to live life with “faux-friends?” I believe I am living proof that it is. That’s just sad. Pathetic and sad. This concept of “faux-friends” came to me because I am currently involved in an excessive amount of confrontation with a roommate. By excessive I mean only one argument, but the effects are irreversible. The tension is concrete. The damage is done. I have to look forward, but I find myself stuck with only the abilty to look back.
Being told that someone doesn’t like your character, your personality, your distinctiveness, is enough to make a person crazy. Being told that you are unlikeable because you were raised with a different outlook on life and a different way of doing things is enough to make you physically ill. I almost threw up today from all the worrying. The constant worry that the one person who thinks these awful things about me is not just expressing her thoughts, but also those of others who are just too afraid to verbalize them.
She made me question myself, my friendships, my choices. She made me doubt those who genuinely do care about me and for that I will never forgive her.
I can no longer look her in the eye, and yet we live in rooms side by side, only separated by a cheap wall with no noise barrier. Who would have thought that she had felt this way about me for “a while now” but never led on that there was an issue present? This leads me to the idea of “faux-friends.”
It is safe to say that I have been calling someone my “best friend” when in fact she is nothing of the sort. Faux smiles and faux conversations (real content of course), when all she really needed to say was the real the thoughts on her mind. The truth. If she didn’t wait so damn long I could’ve spent my time meeting other people in hopes of finding a potential new best friend. Damn her. Damn not being able to start over.
They say you should live life without regrets. Whoever said that was lying. We learn from our mistakes and the reason they are called mistakes is because they are things we’d change if we had the chance. I regret being her friend. It has not made me a better person, but instead it has made me bitter, and untrusting. Where is the light? The happy ending? When does that come?
3 years ago • 0 notes
seeing chris martin sing makes dream of waking up as gwyneth in my next life
he is a soul shaker
3 years ago • 0 notes